2008 Woodie Awards
We are not proud of what you made in the toilet
Issue date: 2/22/07 Section: Editorials
- Page 1 of 1
People who don't flush go to hell or prison or the Department of Motor Vehicles or your in-laws' house. These are just a few of the places that are least likely to top the average person's dream itinerary.
Added to this list, however, is the public restroom.
Public restrooms, hazardous and unpleasant as they might be, are (and will continue to be) ubiquitous in our professional and scholarly lives. So if you live up to the average life expectancy here in the United States, there's a good chance you'll have a nagging urge to relieve yourself at a time when you cannot access a cleaned domestic bathroom.
It is for situations such as these that we at the Spectator have decided to give you some reminders, which are equally applicable to people who use public facilities on a more regular basis:
1. Please remember to flush the toilet. If you think you may have some world record for longest feces taken, you don't. The record is 26 feet. If you're still feeling especially proud of yourself for the commendable action of your bowels, then use your camera phone to snap a picture, then flush it. The next unfortunate soul to use your stall may not be as appreciative of your poo as you are. Just take a good long look and a sniff, and then flush.
2. Mind the seat. If you think you can aim your urine through the seat without putting it up but you're one of those people with an erratic stream, then just stop kidding yourself. Put the seat up before you go. It's not like anyone is watching you (hopefully). You could also wipe the seat after you've finished. That way, the next person to use the stall won't have to assume the role of your mother and wipe up your pee. Common courtesy, folks. Common courtesy.
3. Wash your hands. If you can go to the bathroom without getting any germs on your hands, you are either a ghost or an amputee. If you see anyone walk out of a stall and out the bathroom door, the Spectator now gives you permission to shoot them a dirty look for not washing their hands.
Generally speaking, just be considerate. Follow these very simple guidelines, and the number of people who detest you will decrease substantially.
Added to this list, however, is the public restroom.
Public restrooms, hazardous and unpleasant as they might be, are (and will continue to be) ubiquitous in our professional and scholarly lives. So if you live up to the average life expectancy here in the United States, there's a good chance you'll have a nagging urge to relieve yourself at a time when you cannot access a cleaned domestic bathroom.
It is for situations such as these that we at the Spectator have decided to give you some reminders, which are equally applicable to people who use public facilities on a more regular basis:
1. Please remember to flush the toilet. If you think you may have some world record for longest feces taken, you don't. The record is 26 feet. If you're still feeling especially proud of yourself for the commendable action of your bowels, then use your camera phone to snap a picture, then flush it. The next unfortunate soul to use your stall may not be as appreciative of your poo as you are. Just take a good long look and a sniff, and then flush.
2. Mind the seat. If you think you can aim your urine through the seat without putting it up but you're one of those people with an erratic stream, then just stop kidding yourself. Put the seat up before you go. It's not like anyone is watching you (hopefully). You could also wipe the seat after you've finished. That way, the next person to use the stall won't have to assume the role of your mother and wipe up your pee. Common courtesy, folks. Common courtesy.
3. Wash your hands. If you can go to the bathroom without getting any germs on your hands, you are either a ghost or an amputee. If you see anyone walk out of a stall and out the bathroom door, the Spectator now gives you permission to shoot them a dirty look for not washing their hands.
Generally speaking, just be considerate. Follow these very simple guidelines, and the number of people who detest you will decrease substantially.
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